'Find Your Fezzik' (Supplemental)

Surviving the Fire Swamp - Lesson 5, Part 2

“You have a great gift for rhyme.”

“Yes, yes…some of the time.”

You needn’t have first read my most recent Fire Swamp ‘life lesson #5,’ published this past Wednesday (June 25^th) to appreciate this extra, but it wouldn’t hurt 😉Find it here: Lesson 5: Finding Your Fezzik, Be Someone's Inigo

📜 A few ground rules

I want to establish that I’ve had countless workmates that I’ve casually referred to as “friends” over the years. And in fact, a handful of these have in fact remained close confidants and companions long after we worked side by side at ‘Company X.’ But generally, calling someone you work directly for or who works directly for you a friend while you’re in the thick of it is fraught with risk.

As such, I rule out referring to anyone with whom you’re in a direct reporting relationship as a work bestie. This is not to say I haven’t gotten along famously with some direct reports and bosses over the years. Quick shout-outs to Murph (IRI), Jack, Tom, and Pranee (Contec), Berty-P (Irving), and John, Dawn, & Kat (PDI). I also think it’s important that you both work for the same entity or boss. That means disqualifying consultants who don’t tend to have as much skin in the game. When I first started at Nice Pak in 2007, I was very fortunate to have the counsel and companionship of a consultant named Eric, without whom I never would have made it through the first year or two of what was ultimately a ten-year stint, the longest of my career.

💔 Shared Trauma: a thicker bond than blood or water

Not to start negative, but in my experience, nothing brings people closer than shared drama (or trauma, depending on the experiences). I hear GenZ students of mine use the term ‘trauma-bonded’ all the time. Siblings use it when they grow up in the same household, facing extreme, consistent challenges together.

I’d share that Fezzik and Inigo are trauma-bonded by the daunting task Vezzini has put them up to (kidnapping, attempted murder, starting a war), and the result is a closeness unrivaled in the movie.

So too can we be bound by shared challenges at the office, be it an intense startup, a turnaround scenario, or a particularly challenging boss. We commiserate, cope, and bond. I placed a picture of a few fine folks from my days at Sani Professional at the end of this essay; we went through a lot together, and the reunion dinner nearly a decade after most of us had departed is testament to the ties that bind. But, I digress.

I was less than a week at a new job working as a Marketing Director for a startup division within a large Canadian company when I told my counterpart, the VP of Sales, “I don’t think I’m gonna make it here.” After the shock wore off, he was cool about it and helped me break things down into much smaller parts. We started travelling together, everywhere, including an unforgettable 11-hour return trip from New Brunswick (CA) on the eve of Thanksgiving that literally involved planes, trains and automobiles. I ended up getting promoted to VP there, worked four more years, launched a licensed brand into Target, earned listings at Loblaws and Walmart, and more. And Scott? He’s still there! Thanks, man, for being my ‘partner’ and champion, I will never look at a bag of diapers without recalling the wild ride we shared.

🏆A little healthy competition

The first time I saw Tracy she was dressed as a ‘Power Ranger’ at a national sales meeting. She had been introduced as the newest member of the Stayfree® brand team, and I coveted her role. I had just started working for J&J as a category manager, a new position that wasn’t well-defined, but was my proverbial foot-in-the-door at the well-known CPG manufacturer. Some time later, we were both Asst. Product Directors on the same brand team, working for the same boss as if we were two siblings competing for Mom’s attention and affection. At least that’s how I saw it, at first. It motivated me to be working with someone who was incredibly smart and just as motivated to move forward in the org. A bit later, when I stopped seeing her as a competitor and more as a compatriot, our friendship was forged. Or maybe it was that focus group where, long after we had the answers we were after, we started riffing on what random celebrity the research participants looked like to us. Somewhere around “Billy Crystal playing Sammy Davis Jr.” the bond was set for life. Is it a coincidence that Billy played ‘Miracle Max’ in what is perhaps the most memorable cameo in any movie ever made? Could be! Anyway, it almost always comes down to laughter, right? Whether in the face of triumph or disaster, the ability to crack someone up or have your funny bone tickled by them is a sure recipe for bestiedom™. Update: 25 years later, after several memorable turns as a guest lecturer in my college classroom, Tracy is about to join me at Dominican (in an adjunct role)!

👂Laughter is great, but listening is everything

Michelle (“Mike”) was the first workmate I can retroactively call an office bestie. I remember calling her my soul-sister after driving back from lunch in Montgomery County, PA where we both worked for IRI. Another funny person who could crack me up with a look, we worked on different accounts for most of our time together at IRI. She had casually shared that she once “called out fat” from work because she felt particularly bloated and I couldn’t stop laughing for an hour. But we also experienced a strange group off-site retreat called Melandro where senior directors and VPs took turns being very vulnerable in front of one another. It remains the only time I’ve ever cried at work and the empathy given to me by Michelle that week made her a bestie for life.

Who listens to you when you’re sharing what has made you who you are? Who accepts you? Celebrates you? Helps you become more than you thought you could. Who teaches you how to be self-deprecating without being self-effacing. Who, like Fezzik, nurses you back to health AND knocks down doors for you! Who, like Inigo, comes to your side to build you back up after a rough encounter. THAT’S a work bestie. I’ve been blessed to have a few over the years. May you find and celebrate yours, too. And, if I may suggest, let them know what it meant to you having them by your side as you were storming the castle!

Sani “6” reunion 2024; pictured (top): John , Me!, Jeff; pictured (bottom): Gina, Elise, Alexus